Eloi

In a search for some sort of defining culture around Riverside, Tiffany and I hit up the museum a few weeks ago. They were spotlighting a photographic exhibit titled "Eloi: Searching for Paradise". Eloi is the name H.G. Wells gave to the human descendants populating the Earth 800 millenia from now in his short story "The Time Machine". The Eloi live in a seeming Eden, where food grows plentiful without the attentions of the population, disease is defeated, and all the other shortcomings those of us in the 2nd millenia must face. Of course this paradise is flawed, as the narrator find outs. The Eloi have become cattle for a second branch of human evolution, the subterranean-dwelling Morlocks. The background here is relevant to both an understanding of the exhibit and a commentary on the current progress of humanity.

The exhibit is unfortunately very brief, consisting of maybe 20 pictures. But the message (with the added weight of H.G. Wells) is clear enough: every day we hear that the world is getting better, that we're closer to solving many of our problems, that everything you see around you is working towards achieving paradise. The exhibit brings into focus what that paradise is turning out to be. Pictures of blasted empty lots, carefully constructed sand castles, and nude men and women revealing their individual scars and age lines. We are in danger of believing the "hype", that the rampant homogenization of America is the paradise we all want. Every day another giant Wal-Mart of Target shopping center is built, paving acres of land and clear-cutting through neighborhoods. Every day we see forgotten skeletons of buildings, rotting in place just blocks away from a new ten-story, state of the art office building, never remembering that thirty years ago that broken building held the same passing awe of the people. MTV, magazines, popular culture all throw images of the ideal human, effortlessly beautiful and competent, while no one you know looks like them and everyone has their own personal stripe that doesn't make them "beautiful".

People constantly reach for this perceived paradise, following fashions with a zeal better reserved for something meaningful. Medicine is working towards the general health of the population, if you can afford it. But luckily a good portion of the medical eye is turned towards defiling our bodies and our habits, helping us reach that unattainable goal of manufactured beauty. Liposuction, plastic surgery, implants - you name it, and we can force your body into your preferred mold.

More than a century ago H.G. Wells saw a future where people failed to evolve. The Eloi and the Morlocks both devolved into sub-human mockeries of modern people, one so helpless that they no longer spoke a language, the other into an underground creature working endlessly forever, for no reason. The question is, are we heading towards the paradise we want? If you look around you and think about your surroundings, are things progressing towards a future you want to be a part of?

Another Quick Note

Tiffany and I went for a walk/half-hearted jog this evening and while waiting to cross an intersection one of those low-riding pick-up trucks stopped at the light. It had some nice Wal-Mart rims, maybe one halogen headlight, tinted windows, some bad ass lick-and-stick decals, but all of these wonderful adornments paled in comparison to this fantastic achievement in dumbass-ery: the idiot installed video screens in the headrests. That were pressed against the rear window. The tinted rear window. Of his tiny pick-up truck. What, does he fold down the seats when he's hanging out in parking lots? Are they so his homies can squint and crowd around while riding in the back of his truck, blocking his rear view mirror?

Le sigh.

Quick Note

I just finished my first quarter here at UCR, and I can say that I've learned much. Mostly that Riverside sucks. Anyway during my final tonight I remembered something that happened a few weeks ago. There is a guy who sits a few rows in front of me, and every single class he has worn a Yankees cap and a Yankees jacket, nice expensive ones too. During a lecture the professor was talking to the kid as part of the lesson, noticed he had baseball-type clothes on, and because he is old and had no idea asked the Yankee-clad student "Oh you like baseball?", to which he replied "No, not really."

Sigh.

City of Industry

Last night Tiffany and I went to a friend's St. Patrick's Day party in Los Angeles. It was fine; we knew the hosts and our mutual friend Kim was in town, so we had a good time getting scrambled on one Guinness and a bunch of warm Miller Lites. Miller Lite, by the way, is swill. Three-day-old rainwater is more palatable. And even though it was the day before St. Patrick's Day, the party was dubbed as such a party and signed outside noted that those not wearing green would be raped by the host. Nonetheless, less than half of the party wore any green. This is because of two reasons: one, there isn't a large Irish influence here like there is on the East coast, and two, most of the people there were trendy "industry" posers who wouldn't lower themselves to the level of us plebeians. My gripe with these people is that they stick to well-defined cliques. If you're not clearly someone higher up on a social ladder that is defined by experience, vague connections, and name-dropping, then there is no reason these people would speak with you. I found it almost impossible to strike up conversation or break into one, and when I did engage one of these future actors/singers/failures I was given curt responses and thinly veiled scorn. The only new people I managed to talk to? Two kids out of Elon in North Carolina and two Texans, or more simply the non-LA "industry" people. The social scene, at least in Los Angeles, is much more competitive, even in a leisure setting such as a house party. That sort of snobbery is completely unnecessary.

Parties at UGA usually found me talking with new people more than I talked with the friends that came with me. Southerners seem much more friendly, more willing to speak with random people, more ready to have a good laugh and at least try a little conversation with someone, no matter what you think of them at first glance. But of course there are douchebags everywhere, and perhaps LA just has a higher concentration of douchebags than the rest of the country. I'm hoping that the douchebag concentratoion dilutes the further north you travel in California, because that is where I would like to move once I finish my schooling here. Riverside sucks.

NCAA

It's been a while since I've written an actual update about moi. Right now I'm soaking in the last great sporting event I'll be participating in until football starts back up in the fall. This is especially key because Tiffany isn't here to receive the awful torture of having sports being watched/talked about/referenced off-hand, which seems to cause her and many women to react as if they've been personally insulted. I'm still trying to figure that one out.

I had a job interview this past Saturday and another this morning for the two biggest school districts around me, Corona-Norco and Riverside. The Coronoa one went well, as I dazzled the two women interviewing me with my disarming smile and wit. I won't hear from that district until mid-April, but from talking with other students in the credential program as an "intern teacher" I will still be paid at or near regular teacher salary - needless to say this would finally give a reason for my existence out here, and the monetary compensation is enormous compared to my current job of testing the limits of my credit with various lenders. The Riverside interview didn't go as well, but the two districts have different interview policies: Riverside's pre-lim interview is really just to make sure I have all my paperwork, while Corona's is a little more extensive, asking a dozen or so work-related questions. Anyway I wandered into the Riverside USD building at 9 a.m. sans caffeine, which proved to be a big mistake as a my interview consisted of being asked five rapid-fire questions that at any other time were simple but in my drowsy and suddenly confused state I found perplexing. After asking a question, the interviewer was greeted with a ten second silence while I slowly repeated it to myself.

In other news, I'm sunburned on my back and face. One class is completed and the second class will be over after a final exam Monday night. Tomorrow night is a badass St. Pat's party (I know the holiday is on Saturday, but we're Irish here and don't mind spreading the cheer across multiple days/weeks). Also, why the hell is CBS showing UCLA/Weber State when Duke is doing its best to fully play out the tools they are by losing to Virginia Commonwealth in the first round? That's a downside of living on the West Coast, you have to put up with West Coast sports. They suck. On top of that, nobody here even cares. Oh wait, CBS just switched to the Duke/VCU game - they had to stick with the 2 seed UCLA until they were up by a comfortable 24 points - shit they just switched back! This game was over as soon as it was written in the bracket! Who the fuck cares about this game? UCLA is up by 20 with ten minutes left in the game, Weber State hasn't made 10 field goals in the game - why can't we watch something interesting? My only thought is that Duke has cried enough to the refs that they're going to go ahead and let them blow out VCU just to shut them up. Quote from UCLA game: "And that's the first points for Weber State in five-and-a-half minutes!" Why is this televised?

Also way to go UGA, stomping over another West Coast pansy league team, Fresno State, in the NIT. In the first half Fresno made one non-three point field goal and three free throw points. They made nine 3's. It was ridiculous. They refused to step inside the three point arc. UGA stopped even pretending to guard the paint, they would triple-team whoever was at the top of the key and Fresno State still thought they it would be a good idea to keep hucking up low-percentage three's all day. UCLA up by 27 with 7:40 left; Duke up by 6 with 10:00 left. Stupid CBS. Stupid West Coast not being sports oriented. Stupid Bon Jovi doing Hanes commercial.

"Don't worry, we'll get you back to Weber State and UCLA in just a second, but let's take a peek at Duke!"... "Duke doesn't have a lot of spurtability..." What does that even mean? Duke is up by 6 now, UCLA still by 27. Sorry, I'm done bitching about this.

Well I picked Texas Tech over BC. I always pick Bob Knight for no good reason. Also Michigan State is going to beat Marquette, which I do not want to happen. I have Arkansas beating USC (12 over 5) because the Pac-10 sucks, Texas beating UNC, and 6-seed Louisville going to the Final Four.

"Well this game is already wrapped up, UCLA dominating from minute one." Meanwhile, Duke's lead is down to ONE! Why the fuck are we watching this boring-ass mismatch? "UCLA's defense has really shut down Weber State." The girl's varsity softball team could shut down Weber State!

EDIT (the next day): I suck at making tourney picks.

News Day

KRISTEN: OK Umberto, how does the shot frame up? Do you have the broken windows in the background?

UMBERTO: Yeah, I got it. You're fine. We're going live in thirty.

KRISTEN: You know this is going to be great for me, nothing like this happens anymore. I guess there were those riots in L.A. over the whole O.J. thing. God! That lucky bitch Crystal Espinoza got such great exposure! I would've killed to be there for that! What a great opportunity that must've been... Do you think this'll get national play?

UMBERTO: Five seconds.

KRISTEN: Good afternoon Keith, I'm standing in front of what remains of the student commons here on the University of California, Riverside. As you can see, the entire front has been broken through, tables overturned, the Dance Dance Revolution game totally shattered, and the Starbucks inside looks like a war zone. What could have caused this destruction? According to eyewitness reports, a single crazed assailant went on a rampage here, causing all the property damage you see behind me. I have with me a young man who says he was here during the carnage. What's your name?

JESUS: Jesus Ramirez.

KRISTEN: So Jesus, what can you tell us about what happened? Did you see the person who did this?

JESUS: Um, yeah, well first my name is Hay-seus, not Jesus. Although that would be pretty cool, I guess. Uhh... yeah I saw the guy who did it. He was this white dude, he was like a little bit taller than me and stuff.

KRISTEN: Do you have any idea what started him on his rampage?

JESUS: Yeah he was yelling a lot, waving his hands around like, and pointing at people and shouting. Then he started breaking all the windows and throwing coffee at people.

KRISTEN: What was he yelling?

JESUS: I don't know.

KRISTEN: There was a man breaking windows, throwing things at people, shouting the whole time, and you didn't hear what he said?

JESUS: Well I had my iPod in one ear, and I was on the phone with my boy too. Hey Hector what's up man!

KRISTEN: Actually, I see you still have your iPod in your ear. OK, thank you Jesus... Yes Keith, there have been reports of injuries, nothing serious I understand... Well we don't have a confirmed number yet, but there are about a dozen students in the area with visible bandages. Two ambulances were called but no one has been taken to the hospital. OK, I have here another student who was at the commons when the destruction began. What's your name sir?

JESUS: Jesus Hernandez.

KRISTEN: And Jesus, can you give us an idea-

JESUS: It's Jesus, like the guy.

KRISTEN: Of course. Jesus, can you give us an idea of what caused the assailant to behave like he did?

JESUS: Well I don't know, I mean he was all like yelling at me and my buddy and this girl we were with, and then he threw my phone at me, and took my friend's Helio and stepped on it. That's not cool, cause those are pretty new and expensive, so I started to say something but he punched me right here in the chest and I fell over, and that's when I got out of the way. That dude was crazy.

KRISTEN: Apparently he was yelling a lot, can you remember any of what was said?

JESUS: Yeah, he was like "Shut the hell up! Just shut up! I've been listening to you for ten minutes and I couldn't finish my food!" And then some other stuff about, like wasting good oxygen, and something like being a total tool, and then he called us all idiots. I told him "Hey man what's your problem?" and he said "How did you even get into this university? Your life is a total waste!" and that's when my buddy tried to take his picture with his Helio because he was going to send it to his myspace and that's when he started going crazy. And he said my shirt was for a poodle drag show. Uh, excuse me, but Armani does not make pre-torn hot pink shirts with bleach spots for dogs.

KRISTEN: OK, thank you Jesus. I hope that you and your friends recover and return to school soon. I understand that the Dean is letting everyone take up to a week off to recover?

JESUS: Yeah I guess, I don't know who Dean is but that sounds cool to me, I've got a poster about rabbits that's due tomorrow.

KRISTEN: When we return from the break I'll be talking with an off-duty police officer who was inside the student commons building when the assailant charged in. Back to you Keith.

UMBERTO: ...And we're off. Three minutes.

KRISTEN: God that Keith is an ass. Hey wow, two guys with the same name? What are the odds?

UMBERTO: They didn't have the same name. Jesus was my cousin actually, like on my aunt's daughter's side or something.

KRISTEN: Which one? Wait, never mind, I don't care. Oh look, the policewoman has a head bandage! This is going to be so great!

[KRISTEN walks off camera. UMBERTO sets the camera on the ground and sits beside it. Quiet snoring is heard after a minute]

KRISTEN: Umberto get up! I think we're on soon.

UMBERTO: Huh? Uh, yeah, hang on. Twenty seconds. Get the lady here.

KRISTEN: Hello and welcome back, Keith. We're going to speak with policewoman Cho, who was in the Starbucks inside the student commons when the assailant broke in and started wrecking everything. Can you describe what you saw?

CHO: The man was about five-foot-ten, a white male, with a bad haircut. His clothes were really bad too, just a plain t-shirt and some jeans. I couldn't see a brand name anywhere. And his shoes were pretty dirty.

KRISTEN: I see you've been injured. How did this come about?

CHO: Well he kicked through the glass doors, walked past the barrier Starbucks had set up, totally cutting in line, and started screaming about wanting a "frozen mocha whipped frappachino with vente espressos". Which is ridiculous, that's not even a drink! So then the other barista puts up someone's order on the bar, it's like a caramel apple spice drink, and then guy who ordered it said he wanted extra whipped cream on his, and that's when the assailant picked up the drink and smashed it right in the guy's face! He then started throwing the jars of mocha flakes at everyone, yelling at us to leave room for sugar and cream. I got clocked with bottle of coconut syrup.

KRISTEN: What a harrowing experience, Officer Cho. I'm sure you'll be eager to catch the villain.

CHO: Yeah but first I want to get my seasonal St. Patrick's Day Irish Creame Vanilla Coffee. Do you know where another Starbucks is?

KRISTEN: Well no I-- I've just been informed by Keith in the studio that a new Starbucks has been built across the street. He says they just opened thirty minutes ago, in response to this one being destroyed two hours ago. Well thank you Officer Cho, we here at the Channel 6 Action Fire Sun Bomb News Team wish you a speedy recovery.

CHO: Thanks guys! I love you Keith Algonquin!

KRISTEN: So there you have it. A man, frustrated by the state of popular culture, driven to destruction. Kristen Dawes, reporting from the University of California, Riverside. Back to you, Keith.

UMBERTO: And we're off.

KRISTEN: How was that? I bet I'm on Fox News or CNN by tonight!

UMBERTO: You suck.

Touch this illa fifth dynamite

The past few years I've moved away from pop-punk and indie music towards hip-hop. Not rap, studio gangster bullshit. Actual artistic production from African American (also known as "black people"), such as the work of Mos Def, Talib Kweli, The Roots, Del tha Funkee Homosapien, Dialted Peoples, Kanye West, MF Doom... and even more artists I don't know or can't remember. These artists could all be classified as "conscious hip hop", a label indicating that they are not in the music business to make a buck like their MTV contemporaries but rather to pass on a message, a revolution for their people. Black people. I don't buy into calling people "African American" unless they actually are; otherwise you must call me an Irish-Jewish-Russian American.

These artists are like a modern day Rolling Stones or Who, Ramones or Dead Kennedys. The artists I mentioned above are creating for the uplift of their race! They exist as a reaction to the sell-out, minstrel show act of the studio gangster. "You've got to applaud niggers that raise the bar", Talib Kweli says, and that is what appeals to me. On the broadest level, these artists are pushing their brothers and sisters to reach for the top, to accomplish everything they are capable of. That's what I like, that's what gets me fired up. Pushing oneself to achieve. Coming from a black person's perspective the message is even more potent. Black people still suffer from prejudice as does any race that is not the majority. "Civil liberties is free but just for some... trust your family, trust nobody at all, see your brothers getting struck down" says Blackthought of the Roots. The struggle isn't entirely physical as it was 100 or even 40 years ago. Now black people must fight to catch up to the white's educational complex. I like that these black artists encourage their fellows to learn, to achieve, to accomplish something beyond owning a few square blocks in the ghetto. "Hip hop will simply amaze you, craze you, pay you, do whatever you say do, but black, it can't save you" rhymes Mos Def. Being black isn't an excuse anymore - it is time for black people to take their own intellectually, to come into their own as a people, to move past the dominant white people's perception of the "rapper".