The Greatest Drinking Game Ever

This game, to my knowledge, has never been attempted. It exists as a legend, a seemingly unimaginable gauntlet of poisons. It's rules are whispered among frat boys and popped collar college kids alike. Those posturing as brave even begin to talk of assembling the necessary components. But that's all it is... talk. Deep into the night, three-quarters of a keg gone, men circle around and compare potential strategies for conquering the game. I bring it to you now, in the glaring bright of day, in the hopes that some foolhardy group will finally attempt this undertaking.

It is named... ARMAGEDDON.

This game requires preparation. It requires time - a lot of it, and possibly the last hours you'll spend on this earth. It requires two teams of five. The objective: to consume the following substances before the other team. It's like a keg race from hell. The substances, per team:

1 case of beer (24)
1 bottle of liquor (whiskey, 750 mL)
1 box of wine
1/4 oz. of marijuana (potency negotiable)
1 pack of cigarettes (20)

There you have it. The Top 5 substances abused by college students and the wider public today. The by-laws of the game are debatable but should be agreed upon - in writing - before the teams begin competition. Some sort of prize should be established for the winning team, unless the challenge is just to see who has the most hair on their chest.

The brand of beer, the type of liquor and wine, the strength of the weed, and the type/brand of cigarettes are all part of the strategy. Even more involved is, who do you put on your team? Know any smokers? Do you know a guy who can kill a bottle of tequila? Then by lobbying for the liquor to be tequila, you punish the other team while taking a strategic advantage with your Mexican ace in the hole. How do you attack these substances? Do you assign one person per, or split it up? In what order? The permutations are endless!

Armageddon is not to be taken lightly. It takes a lot of preparation and a strong commitment from ten hardy competitors. Knowing no one who has attempted this game, but I would anticipate it takes hours to complete and days to recover. So the next time someone challenges your manliness, throw down this gauntlet. It's the BadAss Games! The winners will enter into legend... the survivors will be GODS!

I'm watching the third debate right now - John McCain is a cock.