Eight Days and Eight Differences

It's the morning of the 8th day - the Lord has created California and rested, and now it's up to me to name all of its creatures and possibly hump them until Woman arrives. As I explore this New World I've been noting some differences between here and the Old World, the majestic South.

1. People are nice. Generally everyone here has been very kind, helpful, and friendly. Not so different from Georgia, but here there aren't any accents that hinder translation. Ever tried to ask for directions from someone down in Marr-teen-ezz? And what the hell is up with that pronunciation? I'm from Martinis hurr!

2. They have wind here. Last night I was lucky enough to meet the Californian event that heralds the coming on winter: The Santa Anas, which is Spanish for both "Mexican Rebel General" and "Desert Typhoon". The wind maintained at a nice, constant 25-30 mph with gusts pushing 45 mph. The wind would literally stop me in mid-stride and I would be forced to lean forward at least 30 degrees to keep moving/upright.

3. There are no white people. There are easily more Asians here than any other race, followed closely by Hispanics. We're probably talking 40%/40%, with the last 12% Black and finally White people. This doesn't really bother me, as I never really liked White people. It is different being the minority, but it is in no way an issue in the social dynamic. It means nothing beyond the statistic.

4. Gas is expensive, food is not. While rent is at least twice as expensive here, gasoline is only 30-60 cents more per gallon (I know that is a lot, but not as much as I expected. I thought there would be ration tickets and roving bands of desert warriors with mullets and people with homemade gasoline stills.). Other than that, food is the same price, if not cheaper. Same for restaurants. I don't know yet about electricity. Or gas. Or doing my laundry. Maybe I should have held off on this one.

5. Geography! From my little porch you can see new mountains that actually have snow in the cracks and crevasses, while all around is the flat desert. Everything is brown. Cities have literal cut-off points. You'll be driving along and suddenly the road turns dead-ends in a T, and beyond is nothing. The city limits are here. Each city is snug in its own valley, connected by barren stretches of freeway. Riverside and Fontana are maybe 10 miles apart, but 80% of that is pure desert.

6. Nobody cares about football. During the height of the bowl games last week I had way too much trouble trying to find a sports bar. And when I asked the bartender if they were showing the Notre Dame/LSU game, her response was: "Umm... I think. I think it's on that screen over there." Applebees actually changed the channel during the UGA / Va Tech game, causing me to spew beer out of my mouth in disbelief. It just never occured to me that someone would change the channel during a bowl game. Wasn't even a commerical. Even worse, it was on a fourth down that Tech converted for a touchdown, which I found out later, during replays. The Louisville / Wake Forest game was on a single screen in a sports bar, muted, while NBA basketball dominated (granted that game sucked, but who gives a shit about the Clippers? They're like your embarassing cousin that lives down the street and keeps trying to hang with your friends even though he can't make a lay-up. And smells.)

7. The food tastes different. The bell pepper I bought has more flavor. The avacado has less. I can't find skim milk at the grocery store. There are new beers to try. My tolerance has gone to shit though. Like little Asian girl bad. The tap water is pretty awful. I guess when they extract it from the rocks they can't screen out all the minerals and nuclear radiation (The UC system handles all the design and testing work for the American nuclear arsenal. Learn something every day!).

8. Ummm... Florida will win the national championship in a huge upset(why not?). The Saints will make it to the Super Bowl. Mos Def's new album is good, but definitely his weakest effort yet. But his poorest album is still light years ahead of anything you'll hear on MTV. What the fuck is a Chingy? Keep it in a box on your left? Idiotic studio goat cheese. Instead of buying that crap and encouraging these people, why not just buy a 40 GB iPod, fill it entirely with a car horn honking a single note, and listen to it non-stop. You'll find that the experience is exactly the same and you don't have to worry about learning what new bastardization of music is currently down with the homies. At the half UGA is up on Florida by a point (26-25). Why can't Georgia ever maintain a lead in the second half? It's like the other team plans and adjusts to UGA's game, but Felton gets the team in there and serves them juice and Nutter Butters and they watch an episode of "The Simpsons" before going back out.