Well, I got hired. Tuesday morning Fontana Unified School District gave me a ring a ling ding doo and I accepted before they got past the word "offer". This is sort of validating the last 8 months of my life. No more poorness for me! It'll be nice to actually be doing something with myself too, instead of slinging chicken wings until 2 a.m. However they didn't want to hire me when I first sent my application in, back in August. They had to wait until SEVEN DAYS before the first day of class, including Labor Day. They did this because I'm basically the lowest turtle in the tower and must have been pretty desperate. Because of the short notice I will most likely miss the first few days of class - so I'll have a class, I just can't teach it. There are a multitude of reasons for this: I have to go to some new teacher seminars (tomorrow from 8a - 3p), sign some contracts, blah blah, but most importantly I have to have be tested for tuberculosis - for the second time - and be fingerprinted - electronically - for the THIRD time. Because districts cannot share ANY information, there is this insane redundancy, which is why the tower's collapsed on 9/11, I informed the unfortunate receptionist who scheduled my fingerprinting for 7:50 a.m. on Wednesday Sept. 4th, the day AFTER my class starts. Stupid, stupid, stupid. I hate California.
September first is football day. Check this out: the first games kickoff at noon ET, or 9 a.m. PT. The sports bar I work (soon to be worked) at is opening at 9 a.m. to accommodate the socially inept such as myself. Now here's the great/sad part: Hawaii, a top 25 team, kicks off at midnight ET, or 9 p.m. PT. I could conceivably open and close this restaurant while watching nothing but college football. Hold it - genius idea - the place has free wireless internet! I could do a running update of my day drinking six dollar beers and eating dozens of chicken wings! I AM MIGHTY. David, recent GA transplant, has said he will watch some football with me. I don't know if he's up for the sort of quest I'm talking about, but shit, I'm actually starting to get behind this idea. I'll justify it as my last irresponsible act before becoming a teacher. Sweet.
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
Monday, August 27, 2007
Remember when playing football was all you thought about?
Roddy White still sucks.
"A Duke University study that appeared in the Archives of Internal Medicine found 184 lost workdays per 100 obese full-time employees versus 14 lost workdays per 100 normal-weight full-time employees." - CNN article
The article mentions that the CDC would like to see an "obesity czar" appointed... I don't think that's the right solution. Why are people fat? Why are so many - 1 out of every 3 people in Mississippi, for example - obese? People don't see a need not to be fat. Shame on you, fatties! Shame on you, fat Americans! I do not find overweight or obesity acceptable. If I am stuck in Iraq with several fat people and I come under attack from Islamo-fascists who want to kill us because we are Americans and love freedom, I will, without hesitation, throw the fat people in the way of any incoming gunfire, IEDs, RPGs, or rocks and immediately grab one of the many guns laying about the place and start shooting the fatties too, hoping to both fool the terrorists into thinking I am one of them and also slaughtering enough long-pig to feed the Middle East for six weeks.
Final argument: LivingXL.
Check and mate.
Hilarious sendup of previous website: here
"A Duke University study that appeared in the Archives of Internal Medicine found 184 lost workdays per 100 obese full-time employees versus 14 lost workdays per 100 normal-weight full-time employees." - CNN article
The article mentions that the CDC would like to see an "obesity czar" appointed... I don't think that's the right solution. Why are people fat? Why are so many - 1 out of every 3 people in Mississippi, for example - obese? People don't see a need not to be fat. Shame on you, fatties! Shame on you, fat Americans! I do not find overweight or obesity acceptable. If I am stuck in Iraq with several fat people and I come under attack from Islamo-fascists who want to kill us because we are Americans and love freedom, I will, without hesitation, throw the fat people in the way of any incoming gunfire, IEDs, RPGs, or rocks and immediately grab one of the many guns laying about the place and start shooting the fatties too, hoping to both fool the terrorists into thinking I am one of them and also slaughtering enough long-pig to feed the Middle East for six weeks.
Final argument: LivingXL.
Check and mate.
Hilarious sendup of previous website: here
Wednesday, August 1, 2007
I'm a Graduate, Again, Sorta
Monday I had my first two graduate level courses. I was nervous going to class, because I was thinking two things: one, I've never been to a graduate course before, I'll have no idea what is expected of me!; two, Finally I'll be taking classes at UC Riverside that are challenging and will learn much about myself and the world!
Now my astute readers will note the huge, glaring cancerous tumor of a problem with the above sentence, and that tumor is commonly diagnosed as "Riverside" with side effects that include "false optimism" and "naive expectation".
Each class proceeded in exactly the same way: 35 students each introduce themselves, where they are in the program, and an interesting fact about themselves. This took about 40 minutes. Then the instructors read their respective syllabi to us (I was going to make a sarcastic joke about the necessity of this, being illiterate graduate students and all, but then I thought of the caliber of student enrolled here and decided it was a wise move by the instructors), and then in one class we watched clips of the Andy Griffith show (I'm not shitting you) and the other was dismissed.
As far as I can tell, these graduate level courses are no different than regular classes (at UC Riverside) with the exception of a lot of assigned reading of trade journals and such. One class requires two 2-page essays and a 5-page essay; the other requires two 2-page essays. I hate Riverside. Quickly: had a discussion two weeks ago with a professor who noticed how bored/angry/disgruntled I was in class. Turns out we were on the same page. His exact words: "the students here are fucking morons", and on the subject of the College of Education: "the whole place is awful, but don't let them wear you down!". I hate Riverside.
Now my astute readers will note the huge, glaring cancerous tumor of a problem with the above sentence, and that tumor is commonly diagnosed as "Riverside" with side effects that include "false optimism" and "naive expectation".
Each class proceeded in exactly the same way: 35 students each introduce themselves, where they are in the program, and an interesting fact about themselves. This took about 40 minutes. Then the instructors read their respective syllabi to us (I was going to make a sarcastic joke about the necessity of this, being illiterate graduate students and all, but then I thought of the caliber of student enrolled here and decided it was a wise move by the instructors), and then in one class we watched clips of the Andy Griffith show (I'm not shitting you) and the other was dismissed.
As far as I can tell, these graduate level courses are no different than regular classes (at UC Riverside) with the exception of a lot of assigned reading of trade journals and such. One class requires two 2-page essays and a 5-page essay; the other requires two 2-page essays. I hate Riverside. Quickly: had a discussion two weeks ago with a professor who noticed how bored/angry/disgruntled I was in class. Turns out we were on the same page. His exact words: "the students here are fucking morons", and on the subject of the College of Education: "the whole place is awful, but don't let them wear you down!". I hate Riverside.
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